i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
