So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
