Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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