if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
