I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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