Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
