my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
