No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
