I am puke
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
