Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
