when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
