forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
