My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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