the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
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