You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
