I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I cockslap morals
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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