Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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