Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
