How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My life is pants optional.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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