2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
