that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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