you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
