so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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