Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
