...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
