Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
