Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
