I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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