I have demons in me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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