No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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