you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
