So drunk its hurt
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
