Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
