so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
