Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
