She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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