I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
