made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
