so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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