Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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