How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
