the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
