Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
