My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
