im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
