At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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