We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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