I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
