Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
