Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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