she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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