Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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