I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
