May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
