do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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