Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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