i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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