I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
