If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Two words: nipple clamps
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