It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
FUCK WHALES
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
