I showed him my bush... on skype.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize