I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
