Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
