She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
