Jerry, you need to find god
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Found your dick twin last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
